Where I Stand Now

Life is full of changes. I know that, now. I used to think my life was complicated before. I thought no one understood me and I had too many responsibilities for a girl of my age. A few years later, I realize how innocent my 18 year old self was. The truth is that there's no escape. The older you get, the more pressure you face. And I don't just mean school and work and chores. All that is old news for me. A few months ago, my mother was diagnosed with motor neuron disease. They don't know the extent of the diagnosis, but she can't do anything. She can't shower. She can't even get from point A to point B without anyone's support. There needs to be someone with her every time she goes to pee. Usually, that someone is me. I'm the older child, separated from my younger sister by seven years and she's still young. A part of me wants her to stay that way. Another part of me tells me that I'm young, too. I deserve to enjoy my youth. But when responsibility hits, it hits hard and by the time it leaves, you never know what will be left behind. Today, I'm trying to balance school, homework, food, my mom, and many doctor's appointments all at once. I'm not being whiny. Really, I'm not. But I also know that if I could go back to those few years when I didn't realize how lucky I was and how much I had, I would take it all in a heartbeat. And I definitely won't repeat the mistakes I made again.